I am in a place where I no longer want to write randomly. I want to be strategic about what goes on in my head, my heart and in my spirit as well as what I transfer from those places to my pen and keyboard. And so this blog is going to be very personal and painful for most people who read this.
Most people have a problem with waste. Though waste is necessary to make space or to facilitate the next batch of processing, most people don’t see waste correctly. We spend so much of our valuable forward time upset about the time wasted on unprofitable ventures, journeys we had to take or people we had to encounter. At times, it is easy to lose perspective when emotions find a passageway inside of clear thinking where a cooler head, reply or approach would better serve everyone in the situation.
I would like to posit a different thought. For some of you reading this, it will be in hindsight. For others of you, this statement will be prophetic. This is what I mean: what I am about to deposit into your thinking has either happened, is happening or will happen. This truth is not specific to love relationships nor is this written commentary gender bound. That is why I love writing. You can read what is written and take whatever you need for your own life.
So let’s get right to it: YOU HAD TO LEAVE AND HE COULDN’T STAY. The WHY is simple. One of you were toxic or the both of you were toxic. Whether you were making him toxic or vice versa no longer matters and that needs to be established now. Because it is over.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because you were losing yourself. You were becoming the woman you no longer recognize or like. Your frustration was pulling you out of your character and the b-tch side of you that you are capable of revealing was being seen way more regularly than the woman you know you are.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because he wouldn’t leave. His arrogance told him that there was nothing wrong with him. He analyzed his life and determined he was okay. He surmised that either there were no changes required or that you needed to change way more than he would ever have to.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because his looks have changed. I’m not talking about the difference between handsome or the reverse; I’m talking about the fact that his smile is gone. The way he used to look at you is gone. Remember the look he would give you that would go down into your stomach and create butterflies? Remember how his eyes communicated how much he loved and desired you and how that communication would launch a thousand smiles? That look… is gone.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because you no longer can remember what his arms feel like. He doesn’t hug you anymore or you have to ask for them. He doesn’t like sitting next to you or he only does it out of obligation.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because your laughter is no longer a priority for him. Your smile isn’t something that he needs to see on a daily basis. He doesn’t even attempt to pull one out of you. He only laughs or tells jokes when you are around company. Your private time only encompasses sleep time or sex moments, not intimacy. Your smile has left and you can’t remember when you last created one for him.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because the time for salvaging the relationship has come and gone. You’ve known the location and final destination of where your life with this individual will end and it hasn’t brought you joy for a long time.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because you finally realized that you can’t stay with this person for your kids. They do need stability but you finally realized that they don’t feel stable when they understand that something is not right between the two of you.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because the two of you extract anger and frustration from each other way more often than joy. The two of you have exhausted each other and simply don’t want to spend the time in prayer or in communication with each other to work things out. Every time you attempt to speak with him is a chore that requires heavy lifting and neither of you have the combined strength to try.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because although there are two of you physically present in this “situation”, there are not two of you “present”. Both of you are not giving 100% of yourselves to make it work and that disqualifies both of you from the relationship.
You had to leave and he couldn’t stay because the relationship has now become a “situation”. A situation is a “set of circumstances in which one finds themselves”. A relationship is “an emotional and sexual association between two people and how they regard and behave toward each other”. Relationships are formed by family, blood, marriage and choice. Situations are connected to circumstances. Situations are not fulfilling. You are no longer fulfilled and time is wasting.
Finally, you had to leave and he couldn’t stay because you are losing and wasting your most valuable commodity – time. You are losing time waiting for change and you are wasting time waiting for change. If you keep on losing time and wasting time, you will soon be out of time.
And now that you know what has happened, is happening or will soon happen, smile. The rest of your life can now begin.
Adam W. Watson